Spike Gets A Stalker
by tytyvm
Summary: This story depicts mundane events with the vocabulary and stylistic prose of a clop-fic author. It's so saturated with innuendos we had to rate it mature. ('Spike Gets a Stalker' was created by the combined effort of four authors.)
1. Chapter 1

_**DAY**_** ONE**

It was Spike's week off, and Twilight had just delivered him breakfast in bed. Spike finally felt like the Swag Beast™ he knew he was. This morning, his breakfast was accompanied by an unmarked letter addressed to him. To say he was tickled pink by the notion would be an understatement. After taking a deep swallow of his orange juice, Spike dragged his talon along the slit of the letter, effectively opening the delicate paper folds and revealing the soft writing parchment within. Slowly guiding his fingers into the opening, he gently slid the tantalizing goodness out of its protective sheath. Once fully exposed, the correspondence shook under Spike's heated breath and lazy gaze. With a flick of his wrist the script doubled in size as it unfolded to its full length. This only worked to entice Spike's interests further as he molested the supple calligraphy with his eyes.

It read;

_Dear Spike,_

_I'll always be watching you oh most beloved one!_

_Always behind you, your faithful follower. _

Spike felt an aura of pride wash over him. Pride mixed with violation, but pride all the same. He chuckled at the note and set it down to finish his breakfast. Spike lifted a fork and slowly slid its points into the steaming mass of his affections.

* * *

A/N: Understand now that nothing dirty is ever happening. You just have a nasty mind :3

Additionally, take note that as you read this, it will get progressively more suggestive. Chapter three is my favorite. ^o^


	2. Chapter 2

_**DAY TWO**_

Rarity was sliding a brush through her glistening back hair when Spike reentered the room. Needless to say, his jimmies were rustled.

While Spike swooned over the mare's silky, white chest jungle, Rarity removed her fake lashes and thanked him for his dedicated slave labor. After licking Spike's face in appreciation, Rarity lovingly shooed him into the all-devouring darkness of Ponyville's streets.

As Spike merrily skipped home like an innocent girl in the raging, shadowy darkness, he chose to play with a piece of tape; covering his mouth completely. Immediately afterwards, Spike decided to practice knotting by binding his wrists together behind him.

In a bakery not too far away, Pinkie muttered, "Jail bait," through her sleep.

Arriving outside the library, Spike knocked heavily on the wooden door. The portal slowly opened to reveal a flabbergasted purple unicorn. "Spike? What were you doing?"

As Twilight ripped the tape off his lips, Spike retorted, "What do you mean, Twilight?" He turned around and displayed his claws. "And would you mind loosening these restraints?"

Spike slipped out of the rope with a little help. Twilight proceed to ask, "So why wer-"

She was cut off as a scaly member was pressed against her lips. "Shush, little unicorn."

Spike backed away suggestively and made his way upstairs. Twilight wasn't entirely sure what had happened, and so proceeded to shrug it off as Spike being weird.

Once he reached his basket bed, Spike flung himself under the covers and snuggled into the bedding.

But what's this? Reaching his arm under the pillow, Spike pulled out an envelope, addressed just like the one from this morning!

Ripping open the seal and plunging in wrist deep, he emerged with a vibrant-pink letter.

_Dear Spike,_

_You're cute when you sleep~  
_

Smiling to himself, Spike graciously accepted the heart warming compliment, and drifted off to a land of rainbows and unicorns.

* * *

A/N: Yes I know. That chapter wasn't very suggestive. **Wait for chapter three.** :3


	3. Chapter 3

**_DAY THREE_**

Spike was sensually scrubbing his man-scales when he couldn't help but breathily stare at a shapely rubber toy floating beside him in the tub. Spike knew the rubber device wasn't his because of the dark purple coloring. It must have been one of Twilight's personal toys. Usually she didn't like to share, but since she didn't know, Spike took the opportunity to caress it in his hands. He greedily ran his fingers across the silicon's length, imagining how Twilight felt when she used it. Spike couldn't help but think of the velvet depths it'd entered, the burning heats it'd endured and the pleasures it'd brought to his highly deprived friend. These thoughts alone had made Spike desperately excited. He needed a release.

Splashing wildly, he _jerked_ the rubber submarine _off_ the water's surface and back down into its depths. With a final crash into the proverbial sea, white residue flew up and across his face. Causing Spike to stagger back at the suddenness of it all.

While plowing his body into the musky bath-juices, Spike became abruptly aware of a growing heat within his loins. Without further warning the floodgates violently bursted forth and matter exploded from one of Spike's orifices. The glittery mess swirled throughout the water before materializing into a scroll. After hurriedly grasping the roll of paper like the _Shaft of Communication_™ it was, Spike began to furiously fondle the letter and lovingly stroke away beads of fluid. Satisfied that he'd removed most of the lubricant, Spike delicately undid the coil like the petals of an untouched flower.

_It's me again,_

_You should put a window in your bathroom._

After quickly glancing around the small, dark room, Spike fully agreed. The room was desperately in need of some natural light. Sighing, he sunk down into the murky pool and refocused his attention onto the note held above him.

The sound of an all mighty crash shot a line of purified shock though Spike's tiny form. From downstairs, a snarling beast could be heard.

"Darn it Rainbow! Again!? Bucking again!?"

Spike untensed his clenched muscles, and looked over the edge of the tub at the recently dropped piece of postage. His claw reached out to grab the scroll...

...and he promptly hiccuped.

Spike just stared, wide eyed, at the empty space on the floor. He'd sent the note to the highest authority in the land.

And what he said next, would shake the foundation of Canterlot forever.

"...What's the wor-"

* * *

In the highest room of the tallest tower, Celestia had a look of immense befuddlement on her face. As the shower kicked on, Celestia only knew three things for certain: she was confused, she was conflicted...

...and she was very moist.

* * *

A/N: Are you enjoying it so far? :o


	4. Chapter 4 Part 1 of 2

_**DAY FOUR PART 1 of 2  
**_

Rays of sunshine filtered through the curtained windows of the kitchen. Spike was lapping at the steaming slit before him. The red insides coating his tongue in flavorful juices. Over the hum of greedily slurped liquid, Twilight could be heard moaning. "Oh, Spike! It's so hot!"

"Oh yeah, Twilight! All in my mouth!" Without abandon spike smothered himself in the fleshly folds.

"Awwwhhhgg!" Spike was violently yanked from his blissful ecstasy by the scream.

"Ar-are you alright Twilight!? I hope I didn't hurt you!" Twilight's body shuddered visibly as she turned to face _her_ faithful assistant.

"Oh, I'm sorry Spike! You didn't hurt me! I just tend to get noisy when I finish." She cooed with dreamy smile. Spike's now slimy muzzle lifted into an appreciative grin. "I just wish I'd known you'd like _hot pockets_ earlier!" Grasping Spike with her magic, Twilight lifted him up to her maw. "But you _do_ need to work on your form. You can be such a _messy_ little dragon." She greedily licked his maw clean of juices and lightly kissed the dragon on the lips. With a womanly sigh, she sent him out to his day.

* * *

Yup. Dem hot-pockets. Thoughts, sirs?


End file.
